If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and she was petting her beer can
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
