I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
