I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
