Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
