I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
