1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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