She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize