Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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