Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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