The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize