she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
