She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
