am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
