The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
