She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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