That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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