How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am one with the molecules
I touched a dick in church today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
