..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
