i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
