i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
