They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
