You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
