I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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