You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.