Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.