Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?