just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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