Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
