everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
