how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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