His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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