he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
