Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize