from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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