First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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