Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have tasted many bathrooms
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
