Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nutella sex= disaster
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
