I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
