Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
