JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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