Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
