P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
