Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
