my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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