How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
