NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
