K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
