Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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