I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
