'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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