He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
