does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
