I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
