She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
