Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
