Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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