whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
