bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
