she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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