she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
