Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
