they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
