I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
