I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
