Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
