just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
