wanna go halves on a baby?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
