The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
