3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
