8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
