so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
