running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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