no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
