I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
