I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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