It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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