He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
