his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
