My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your cock deserves a montage
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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