By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
