he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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